Things Best Said With a Mysterious Accent

Or: Literary Crushes, Part Deux

One of the princesses (who shall remain anonymous, unless Heather wants to out herself) said yesterday, about Steve Almond:

“I have mad love for him.”

This made me think of phrases which are best said with a mysterious accent. Think Natasha Fatale.

*I will have the hundred dollar night cream.

* Who is this woman? This Annabelle LaSalle? (referring to one’s own mother.)

I’m sure the princesses can add to the list.

From Sue:

Did she say it like, “I haf maaaad looooove for him?” This is funny.

From Heather:

“Would you like cracked pepper on your salad?”
“Are we out of toilet paper?”

“Just a club soda, with lime.”

“I can’t find my keys.”

“Is that a turkey on the deck?”

“I’m going to the grocery.”

“Where’s Carlos?”

“Have you seen my favorite underpants?”

“I’ve just submitted my essay.”

“A Henry VIII pop-up book would be nice.”


About Loranne Brown

Loranne Brown, MFA: Journalist and novelist (The Handless Maiden, Doubleday Canada 1998) teaches Professional Writing at Trinity Western University, Langley, BC. Blog: Twitter: @MFAGals @LoranneBrown View all posts by Loranne Brown

3 responses to “Things Best Said With a Mysterious Accent

  • Sue Staats

    did she say it like, "I haf maaaad looooove for him?this is funny. Can't think of anything but the frikkin garage sale right now, and no manner of mysterious accents would make that better. Wonder if the phrases would be funnier if written in the accent? also, is this how I comment? Does it go out there as the permanent early morning rantings of a crazed woman?

  • Heather

    Oooo! This is a hoot to consider.I think most ordinary things said with a mysterious accent become if not better, at least more intriguing, and make you wonder at hidden depths.For example: "Would you like cracked pepper on your salad?""Are we out of toilet paper?""Just a club soda, with lime.""I can't find my keys.""Is that a turkey on the deck?""I'm going to the grocery.""Where's Carlos?""Have you seen my favorite underpants?""I've just submitted my essay.""A Henry VIII pop-up book would be nice."And I'm coming out; after hearing him read at AWP, it's me who has mad love for Steve Almond. His writing that is.

  • Loranne Brown

    Gee, Heather, I think I've said all of those things since arriving here, North of Nowhere.Here are two statements that sounds no better in a mysterious accent, in fact, they sound downright ungrateful. 1.(Lorne's landlords had hordes of company over our long Canadian weekend, most of them young kids): "Are those children up there, or a herd of frickin elephants? And what are they doing up so damned early?" (6:00 a.m. Sunday morning)2. Holy crap, is that fresh snow on that hill?? (It was)

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